why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So much rum. So many feels.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
