thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How does it feel to date your dad?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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