Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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