youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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