I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
