Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
