I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
