You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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