lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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