I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i dont even know how to be here
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
