She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
