wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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