i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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