i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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