You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
