before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
