I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
