told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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