Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
