I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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