I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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