ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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