Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
