i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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