I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
