HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
