I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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