I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
