he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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