my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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