it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
