i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
