I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
