I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
