SEEEEXXX PLEASE
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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