At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
