yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
