You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
