he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd cum for enchiladas.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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