official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
