i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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