I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
