my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
