it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
