I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
