You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
