Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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