Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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