just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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