At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
