you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
