Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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