your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
