you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
