i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
