Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Threesome in a minivan. New low
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize