The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
