I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
