You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
