So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
