I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
