He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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