I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
