if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize