i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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