Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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