end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize