I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
should my penis look like a turkey
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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