I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
