Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
