Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
