We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
