I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
