Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
