so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
