if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's blow job season.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize