You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
