I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
