how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
