I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
